Talking About Your Failures

11/26/24

Can trustworthiness ever be reduced to an external signifier? If someone had the letters WILTY (Would I Lie To You?) tattooed on the inside of their dominant-hand wrist in gold ink, meant visible every time they shook your hand ... could you trust them as truthful and honorable with every fiber of your being?

2025/03/03

from Blogger.com

Blogger User says:

I hate having this condition

Yesterday, I was having a normal conversation with some former friends. This morning, I wake up to a message from one of the the people from the group telling me that I wasn't a fit for the group. Sure, I made errors I'll be humble enough to admit that but the group kind of knew I was different.

While they were nice and said they didn't want me in a group where people only tolerated me out of niceness I'm all sorts of emotions as nobody ever tells me of I am being annoying or making them uncomfortable. I had bonded with this group over my special interests and I am devastated.

I am at the point where I am just no longer going to find friends, I don't care I'm tired of this shit.

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I can relate to this. For me, socializing and being sociable is like having an incredible yet unreliable skill, like juggling or parkour. When you're really good at these things it's almost a spiritual experience for you. It feels effortless because it is effortless ... in the moment. But just as glorious mid-day sun shines down on you until it is suddenly obscured by a treacherous cloud, your Aspie ambiversion window closes without warning. Trying to perform a parkour wall-run (and to be clear this is a comparison for Aspies being social) when you just know you won't happen is demoralizing, infantilizing, injurious. Like eating that one vegetable you really hate because you know it's good for you.

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